Tulsa construction had reached its final evolutionary form: pure chaos with a reflective vest.
Image generated via AI.
Every morning, Stan tried to leave his driveway like a normal human being, only to discover that overnight, while he slept peacefully, a new set of orange cones had multiplied like rabbits with a union contract. By 8:15 AM, he was still inching toward the highway, whispering the same prayer he’d whispered every day that week: “Lord… just get me to work. I don’t even have to be on time. Just… get me there.”
Getting home was worse. Much worse. The morning commute was a battle. The evening commute was a pilgrimage. He’d leave work at 5:00 PM and somehow arrive home at 7:42 PM, spiritually aged by at least three decades. His Apple Watch thought he’d taken up stress-based cardio.
At one point, stuck behind a backhoe that seemed to be digging a hole for fun, he muttered: “Can I work from home like in 2020?” No one answered. But the cones seemed to nod sympathetically.
Going to the store had become a joke. One of those jokes that’s funny until you realize you’re the punchline. Stan tried to order groceries online, but even delivery had changed: “A road construction fee has been added to your order.” A construction fee for groceries in Tulsa? He stared at the screen as if it had personally betrayed him.
Sunday morning didn’t offer much relief. Getting to church required the faith of Abraham, the patience of Job, and the navigation skills of a medieval cartographer. He prayed to get there. He prayed to find parking. He prayed to find the exit. He prayed to find his way home.
By the time he finally sat in the pew, he was spiritually warmed up. Not by worship, but by surviving three detours, one lane closure, and a construction worker who waved him forward with the confidence of someone who absolutely did not know where he was sending him. When the pastor said, “Let’s bow our heads,” Stan whispered, “Already did. Several times. On the way here.”
Every day, the thought crept in: “Maybe I should move… just until this is done.” But he knew the truth. By the time the construction finished, he’d be too emotionally invested in the struggle. Too bonded with the cones. Too familiar with the detours. Besides, Tulsa construction never really ends. It just… relocates.
A man walked into the living room with the same expression husbands get when they’ve been sent to the store for “one thing” and forgot it. “John had a wreck. He’s in the hospital. His wife is asking everyone in the church to pray,” he announced.
His wife froze mid‑laundry‑fold as if someone had just unplugged her from the wall. “Is he okay?” she asked. The man blinked. “John had a wreck. He’s in the hospital. His wife is asking everyone in the church to pray.”
She narrowed her eyes. “How did the accident happen?” He nodded solemnly, as if she had just asked a very wise question. “John had a wreck. He’s in the hospital. His wife is asking everyone in the church to pray.”
She put her hands on her hips. “Was there anyone else in the car with him?” He took a deep breath, preparing his entire vocabulary. “John had a wreck. He’s in the hospital. His wife is asking everyone in the church to pray.”
At this point, she stared at him like he was a malfunctioning Alexa device. “Do you know anything else?” she demanded. He shrugged. “That’s all I got. I’m basically the voicemail notification.” She sighed, grabbed her phone, and said, “I’ll call someone who actually knows something.” He nodded again, relieved. “Good idea. Because all I know is,” she cut him off. “If you say it again, I’m unplugging you!” He raised his hands in surrender. “Message received.”
But under his breath, barely audible, he whispered: “John had a wreck. He’s in the hospital. His wife is asking everyone in the church to pray.”
The short version: you make friends at church the same way you make friends anywhere else—by showing up consistently, being genuinely curious about people, and giving relationships time to grow—but church adds a unique advantage: you’re already walking into a room full of people who share values, rhythms, and a desire for community. That’s a head start most social spaces don’t offer.
Show up consistently
Friendship grows out of repeated, low‑pressure interactions. If you only attend sporadically, every Sunday feels like starting from scratch. When you show up consistently:
People begin to recognize you
You naturally fall into conversations
You stop feeling like a visitor and start feeling like part of the rhythm
Consistency is the soil in which friendships grow.
Get Connected
A church service is beautiful, but it’s not built for deep connection. Smaller environments are where friendships actually form:
Small groups or Bible studies
Volunteer teams
Choir or worship team
Young adult groups, men’s/women’s groups, or interest-based meetups
These settings give you repeated contact with the same people, which is the secret ingredient to friendship. You don’t need to be outgoing; you just need to be intentional. A few simple openers go a long way:
“How long have you been coming here?”
“What brought you to this church?”
“Are you part of any groups here?”
“I’m new—any tips for getting connected?”
People at church are usually relieved when someone else breaks the ice.
A common mistake is trying to present yourself well. But people connect more deeply when they feel seen, not when they’re seeing your highlight reel. Ask questions. Listen well. Remember small details. Curiosity is magnetic.
Volunteer—It’s the Friendship Shortcut
Serving puts you shoulder‑to‑shoulder with people, which is one of the easiest ways to bond. Whether you’re greeting at the door, helping with kids, running slides, or stacking chairs, you’re building shared experiences. And shared experiences create connection.
Say Yes to the Small Invitations
Church friendships often start with tiny moments:
“Want to grab coffee after service?”
“We’re going to lunch—want to join?”
“A few of us are meeting Wednesday night if you want to come.”
Say yes more often than you say no. You don’t have to commit to everything, but openness accelerates connection.
Let Yourself Be Known (Gradually)
You don’t need to spill your life story, but friendships deepen when you share a little bit of your real self:
What you’re excited about
What you’re struggling with
What you’re hoping to find in community
People respond to authenticity. It permits them to be real, too.
Give It Time—Friendship Isn’t Instant
Church can sometimes feel like everyone already has their circle. But most people are more open to new friendships than they appear. It just takes time for trust and familiarity to build.
Keep showing up. Keep initiating small conversations. Keep being patient with the process. Get there early and stay 10 to 15 minutes after the service. If you’re not the first one in line at the restaurant, it will be okay.
Friendships formed slowly tend to last.
The Real Secret
The real secret to making friends at church is this: don’t wait to be welcomed—be the one who welcomes. When you shift from “I hope someone talks to me” to “I’m going to make someone else feel at home,” everything changes. You become the kind of person people naturally gravitate toward.
Our pastor talked about this last Sunday. He uses the acronym “G.A.S.”
“Because it’s Sunday.” “I was raised to.” “It makes my mother happy.” “To show off my latest outfit and Louis Vuitton purse.” “I think God takes attendance.” “So, I can talk to someone who accepts me. Otherwise, I’m lonely.” “To try to enlarge my client list.” “To show my spiritual knowledge.”
The truth is, people attend church for various reasons. And while there, their motives may take advantage of others. Sadly, some individuals will go to church to prey upon the weak, the poor, or the young.
Jesus had a few things to say about why we should attend church and what motivates us to do so. We see in Mark chapter 11 that Jesus went into the temple.
He entered Jerusalem, then entered the Temple. He looked around, taking it all in. But by now it was late, so he went back to Bethany with the Twelve. (Vs. 11) MSG
They arrived at Jerusalem. Immediately on entering the Temple, Jesus started throwing out everyone who had set up shop there, buying and selling. He kicked over the tables of the bankers and the stalls of the pigeon merchants. He didn’t let anyone even carry a basket through the Temple. And then he taught them, quoting this text:
My house was designated a house of prayer for the nations; You’ve turned it into a hangout for thieves.
The high priests and religion scholars heard what was going on and plotted how they might get rid of him. They panicked, for the entire crowd was carried away by his teaching. (Vs. 15-18) MSG
Then, in chapter 12, Jesus continued teaching:
He continued teaching. “Watch out for the religion scholars. They love to walk around in academic gowns, preening in the radiance of public flattery, basking in prominent positions, sitting at the head table at every church function. And all the time they are exploiting the weak and helpless. The longer their prayers, the worse they get. But they’ll pay for it in the end.” (Vs. 28-40) MSG
I must admit I struggled with that last part, “But they’ll pay for it in the end.” Some versions of the Bible say, “they will receive greater damnation.” I spent some time researching the meaning of Mark 12:40. I came upon a very profound explanation via “Copilot”:
In Mark 12:40, Jesus refers to the greater punishment as a severe condemnation for the scribes who exploit widows’ houses and make long prayers for pretense. This punishment is a reflection of the severity of their actions, which were not only hypocritical but also harmful to the vulnerable. The term “greater damnation” suggests that God holds us accountable for our actions, especially when we misuse our power and influence over others.
To fully grasp the weight of Mark 12:40, we must consider the context in which Jesus spoke, which was during a series of confrontations with religious leaders. Just before this, Jesus had been teaching in the Temple, addressing issues of authority and challenging the hypocrisy he saw among those who thought they were righteous. The backdrop of these confrontations was the Temple itself, a place meant for worship, reverence, and connection with God. Yet, the behaviors displayed by the scribes indicated a deep disconnect from the Temple’s true purpose, which is to serve and care for the community.
Then, from Reverend Michael Johnson:
We can guard against spiritual pride by staying humble and recognizing that all our abilities and accomplishments come from God. We should not boast about our spiritual practices or look down on others who may not be as advanced in their faith journey. It is important to remember that true spiritual growth comes through humility and a servant heart, rather than through seeking recognition or praise from others.
To guard against hypocrisy, we must ensure that our actions align with our beliefs and teachings. We should strive to live out our faith in an authentic and genuine way, rather than putting on a facade for others to see. This involves seeking integrity in all areas of our lives and being honest with ourselves about our motivations and intentions. We can guard against the pitfalls of hypocrisy by constantly examining our hearts and striving for consistency between our words and actions.
Application
Think about the scribes from Mark 12:40—condemned for their hypocrisy. Like overloaded employees forgetting honesty, or parents failing to lead by example, they missed the mark. As followers of Christ, let’s be genuine in our service to God and others. Your every action, your every intention, should mirror Jesus’ values of love, compassion, and integrity. Will you step up and live your faith authentically with me?
I received an email the other night from an old friend. I had not seen them in several years. They said they had been thinking about me and wanted to know if I was okay. We exchanged emails and got caught up, somewhat.
I learned a little bit about their life since I last saw them. It was basic information. Their spouse is okay, their child is now nine, they aren’t working, and why. Stuff like that. Sadly, I got the overwhelming impression that they weren’t happy. In fact, they made the statement that their life was boring.
I shared how much I was enjoying my retirement years, that April liked her job, about the new church we started attending this year, and our involvement there. I also shared that I had finished remodeling the house and that we had new furniture that April had picked out, and how she had done a great job. I did mention how I didn’t like getting old, though.
I wasn’t exaggerating or embellishing, but just telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. In their final reply, they wrote, “I’m glad you’re doing okay.”
Their comment got me thinking. Was I bragging? Was I trying to impress them? Why was my life doing okay?
I know in my heart that despite body aches and pains, some hiccups in life, some frustrations in our marriage, and working hard to pay off the bills, our life isn’t bad. Why? Because April and I have accepted Jesus Christ and have had our sins forgiven, and know that he is still forgiving us of our new ones. We both read God’s word, the Bible, regularly, and we tithe faithfully. We are committed to our local church and do what we can to help there, which has allowed us to develop relationships with real people who believe like we do. We also do what we can to share God and His amazing love with others as the Holy Spirit leads and gives us boldness to speak up. That is why we are doing okay!
I do realize some may say, “I do all those things and yet my life isn’t okay.” I honestly don’t have an answer as to why that is for some. But I know that April and I both invited God into our lives at a young age and have tried our best to surrender our free will to him. Perhaps that has something to do with it as well. God tends to bless obedience, and I know that faith pleases him.
But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is the rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out]. Heb. 11:6 (AMPC)
For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jer. 29:11 (AMPC)
5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Prov. 3:5-6 (AMPC)
If there were such a thing as a “recipe” for living a life pleasing to God, then this may be it. April and I enjoy our lives. We feel blessed because we are. It’s like living in a garden, and after all, in the beginning, isn’t that what God intended?
Up until recently, we had a local convenience store/gas station called “Kum & Go.” Not sure why, but they were bought out and the name was changed to “Maverick.” Convenience stores are popular when you are in a hurry and simply go down to the corner, rather than driving all the way to a grocery store or a Walmart. But it comes with a price.
I’ve mentioned that April and I have started going to a new church this year. We like it. We started noticing that people get there early to fellowship with one another. And they hang out after the service to do the same. Something we did not witness at our previous church. There, people would come in barely in time for the service to start, and then they would run out as soon as it was over. Last Sunday, April and I were comparing, and she called our previous church, “Kum & Go Church.” I literally laughed out loud. But “Kum & Go Church” comes with a price!
When you talk to people at church, you start to get to know them, and they get to know you. A relationship begins to grow. You start caring about them and they, you. In short, you become a family. This doesn’t happen at “Kum & Go Church,” and you pay a price. In fact, our church uses the word “family” a lot. This is what God intended all along. He knows that we cannot do life alone and shouldn’t try. He wanted the church to take care of widows and orphans, as well. But social programs begin when people stopped going to church or started believing the lie that they didn’t need God.
He encourages us not to forsake the assembly of ourselves. Okay, that was kind of King James language, but a modern translation would say, “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” Heb. 10:25 (NLT)
I picture the first church being like this. I get that impression from Acts 2:42-47:
42 All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.
43 A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. 44 And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. 45 They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. 46 They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— 47 all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.
This type of community doesn’t just happen automatically. The “family” type attitude trickles down from the leadership of the church, including the pastor. April and I are happy to be going a little further than to the church on the corner for convenience. Finding a home church where we belong.
I have always been intrigued by Jesus’ teachings. I especially liked it how, while he was speaking, he would point to something and say, “The kingdom of heaven is likened unto…” Okay, that’s how it is written in the King James version of the Bible. A current way would be, “God’s kingdom is like…”
That line has had a huge influence on how this blog is written. If you have ever noticed, I try to take something from real life and show how it can relate to the kingdom of God. I think the gospel of Jesus Christ is relational and practical. It’s not just some lofty words that sound nice.
I think that is where so many casual Christians go off-key. They “go” to church, hear a great sermon, but toss it in the trash on the way out. Then they go about their week as if the God who loves them so much hadn’t delivered a custom “love” letter to their heart. God uses people to speak on his behalf. He delights in partnering with them to do his business.
Sunday’s sermons and hopefully this blog should be thought about during the week and should certainly be applied. It may be challenging, but that is where we can ask God to help us. We should always be growing and maturing in our walk with God. I know of some who have been the same hurtful people for many years. They “go” to church almost every time the doors are open, but when they are there, they forget to unlock the doors of their heart.
Boy, I didn’t expect those words to come out when I started writing this post.
Hear the words of God. Whether spoken through a sermon, read in the Bible, or perhaps in these blogs. Think about them. Ponder their meanings. The Bible is relatable. Its words are alive, and they change people, or at least should. The words the Bible contains can be applied to every part of our lives. Even more than Seinfeld-isms.
April and I have started going to a church that is new to us. We agree with their philosophy of keeping faith in God simple. They preach Jesus and him crucified. When you start going to a new church, it can take a few weeks before you start knowing people and being known.
At our previous church, we went there for over a year, and only two or three people knew our names. To add insult to injury, when we tried to join a “Home Group,” the leader of that group never called us. So, we started staying home and watching the services online. I call that “Bedside Baptist” with Pastor Pillow and Sister Sheet. We still got spiritually fed, but it’s not the same.
There is something warm and fuzzy about someone saying, “Good morning, Mark. How was your week?” But it takes some effort on your part, too. You have to be bold and go up to people and ask them what their name is. Then, ask them something that reveals a little about that individual and helps you remember their name. You can’t simply sit around and wait for people to come to you.
You may say, “But I’m shy.” Or “It’s hard for me to approach people.” Hey, I get it. I’m naturally an introvert. Most writers are. No one believes me when I tell them that, but what they don’t know is I have to force myself to “walk across the room,” as one pastor put it, and greet someone.
That is what it takes to know and to be known. Jesus had no qualms about going up to someone and talking to them. Several times, it was he who started the conversation that ultimately changed someone’s life. Aren’t we supposed to imitate him? You never know who will make a connection with you, feel they can trust you, and then open up and reveal their greatest need. You may be the very one who leads them to trust God and to lean on Him.
Trust me when I say I can be very comfortable attending “Bedside Baptist.” If you have read this blog very long, then you know when it comes to encountering people, I find it challenging and would rather not. But inside me, I know that doesn’t please God, because He is all about people. They are his favorite pastime because God is love.
You’ll remember, friends, that when I first came to you to let you in on God’s sheer genius, I didn’t try to impress you with polished speeches and the latest philosophy. I deliberately kept it plain and simple: first Jesus and who he is; then Jesus and what he did—Jesus crucified. 1 Cor. 2:2 (MSG)
God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight. You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too— your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful— I can’t take it all in! Ps. 139:1-6 (MSG)
If God goes to great lengths to know us and then invites us to know him, then shouldn’t we do the same with our fellow mankind? Yes, we should.
April and I like to try a different restaurant whenever we can. Picking one that April has never been to so she can get a taste of American establishments and also so she can make suggestions if out with her friends. It can be kind of fun and exciting but disappointing as well.
Recently, we have started praying and seeking God concerning going to a different church. Unlike trying a new place to eat, I don’t like going to a new place and meeting new people. A lot of people feel the same way, I think, and they stay in their current church.
Where you attend a church service is essential. It is a source of spiritual food. One part of the spiritual nutrition pyramid. Some of the others would be praying and reading your Bible. Part of a balanced diet in your relationship with God. Hopefully, the minister seeks God every week to see what he should be feeding his flock from the whole word of God.
April and I have discovered the use of modern technology to check out churches. There is one church near our house that we were considering. The other day, we found their services online and proceeded to watch. The minister wasn’t very engaging and seemed to talk about whatever Bible verse popped into his head. It seemed as if he had no outline and central subject to his sermon. I looked at April and said, “I’m not getting spiritually fed. Are you?” She agreed this wasn’t the place for us.
Now, there certainly isn’t anything wrong with the messages from our current church, except they are a bit basic. We like the pastor and what the church practices. We understand why the sermons are for new Christians; the church leads a lot of people to God. Perhaps we are hungry for more. The other issue is the people aren’t all that friendly. They come in late and rush out as soon as the service is over, so it is hard to make connections. We tried last summer to join a home group, but the leader never called us. I guess he liked his home group the way it was. I don’t know to him! (A Filipino phrase April taught me.)
Where you attend church is very important. You should find a place where you get a good balanced diet of the word of God and how to apply it to your life so you can grow spiritually and in your relationship with God. You should find a place with people similar to you (like precious faith) so you can connect with them and do life together. Supporting each other. Rejoicing when they rejoice and weeping when they weep. Don’t get so comfortable, like in an old pair of jeans, where you are going, that you don’t notice if you are getting fat on the word or if you are starving.
1 From Simeon Peter, a slave and apostle of Jesus Christ, to those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ, have been granted a faith just as precious as ours. 2 May grace and peace be lavished on you as you grow in the rich knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord! 2 Ptr. 1:1-2 (NET)
Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Rom 12:15 (MSG)
