returns

The holidays are magical — twinkling lights, cozy cocoa, and… plotting your stealth mission to the returns counter. Because let’s face it, not every gift is a keeper.

1. The “Ohhh… Wow!” Face
When you unwrap something that looks like it escaped from a yard sale in 1987, channel your inner Oscar-winning actor. Smile big, nod slowly, and say, “This is… so… unexpected!” Translation: Where’s the receipt?

2. The Receipt Hunt
Gift receipts are mythical creatures. Without one, you’re stuck with store credit — which is how you end up owning a lifetime supply of “Cinnamon Moose” candles.

3. Re-Gift or Release
Some gifts are too bizarre to keep but too guilt-inducing to toss. Solution? The Re-Gift Stash — a secret vault where questionable presents wait for their next unsuspecting victim.

4. Return Counter Survival Skills
Post-Christmas returns are basically the Hunger Games with shopping carts. You’ll need speed, agility, and the ability to answer “Why are you returning this?” without blurting, “Because it’s ugly.”

5. The Gift’s True Destiny
Returning isn’t ungrateful — it’s matchmaking. Somewhere out there, someone wants that neon sweater with the 3D reindeer nose. And bless their festive little heart.

The best gifts never get returned. They are the ones where the giver knows the person well. Knows what they like and knows what they have need of. The best gifts are held close to the heart.

That is why God gave us His only Son, Jesus. He knows us and knew our greatest need was a savior, not a financial wizard or an educator, or anything else, but someone who could pay the price for our sins. (John 3:16)

When one accepts God’s gift, opens it, if you will, and tries it on, there is no doubt that after feeling the release of bondage, will not want to return it. God’s gift also comes with an instruction book, called the Bible, and I strongly recommend reading it from cover to cover. (It would be interesting if IKEA came out with its own version of the Bible. It would have no words but pictures only.) Don’t be like a typical man and put God’s word in a drawer and think that you can have a relationship with God without reading it. Technically, you can, but if you want to enjoy your gift to the fullest extent, then you will want to read it.