In the town of Ker‑Plinket on Wobble‑Woo Way,
A doctor cried, “Try this! It’ll brighten your day!”
A pill called Detramentall, all stripey in blue,
“It fixes your hiccups! It freshens you, too!”
But the label was long, like a long-handled rake,
And the list of side effects made the townspeople quake.
You might:
- Grow surprise antlers — just two or just ten
- Speak fluent seagull from midnight to then
- Float to the ceiling like helium air
- Randomly moo at a store clerk, but that’s rare
- Turn chartreuse and polka‑dot too
- Forget your own birthday, then celebrate two
And the final line read, with a sinister thrill:
“May cause temporary death. But only if still.”
So the folks of Ker‑Plinket said, “Thanks, but we’ll pass.
We’d rather keep hiccups than moo when buying gas.”
Detramentall™ — Radio Commercial
Are you tired of minor annoyances like tangled earbuds, lukewarm coffee, or remembering that thing you said in 2014? Ask your doctor about new Detramentall™, the pill that may or may not help!
Detramentall works by stimulating the vibro‑nimbus receptors in your general attitude region, giving you the confidence to say, “Eh, good enough!”
But Detramentall isn’t for everyone. Or… anyone.
Side effects may include:
- Unplanned yodeling
- Sudden attachment to household appliances
- Becoming slightly transparent
- Aggressive jazz‑handing
- Speaking only in riddles
- Turning into a cloud for up to 12 minutes
- And in rare cases… death.
Like, actual death. But only on weekdays.
Do not take Detramentall if you are allergic to Detramentall, gravity, or the concept of Tuesdays.
Detramentall™ — because life is complicated…and this makes it more so.
