I once wrote, the act of dying doesn’t hurt. I am learning it does, when you die, while you are still living. What in the world am I saying? I thought I had fully surrendered everything to God, and then I moved to the Philippines following his direction. Now, he is requiring more of me. To give up my self-reliant attitude. Living in a foreign country, where they speak some English, but not fluently, and I only know about 12 Tagalog words.
Now I am reliant on others to help me know what is being said, where to go to purchase basic needs, etc. I am not used to this, nor do I like it very much. I have grown accustomed to doing what I want, how I want which I think is very productive and effective. I’m dying. I believe God is asking me to give up, give in, and give way to his Holy Spirit. To be humble, ask for help, and when things don’t go as I think they should, to smile graciously and be thankful that someone cares enough to try to help me.
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8 NIV)
Do I have to die? No. I can go on living as I am and probably hurt more people along the way. God is most likely removing this from me, so when the next chapter in my life starts, I will be ready. In that case Lord, kill me.
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